Day two.

Day two

Day one began with a hangover. After two bottles of wine (with husband) I decided to make whisky sours - the wine was finished but I was not. I loath whisky but was in that ‘fun drinking’ stage where to stop just seemed ludicrous and unreasonable. The whisky was a $200 bottle my husband had been given as a present. 

Day one began with memory loss. I announced that I was going to take back an invitation I had issued by text the night before only to be reminded that I’d already had a reply. I had absolutely and utterly no recollection, even when I looked at the message. Blank. Zero.

Day one began with guilt. I couldn’t remember tucking my children into bed, wasn’t sure if I had read them stories and if I had whether my words had been clear or slurred. Many many times I have woken up on one of my children’s beds , book splayed open on my chest, story clearly half read, me too pissed to finish it.

Day one began with panic. Having slept through my three alarms I woke only half an hour before my youngest had to be at band practice (with which I was helping) - and I had yet to do all the lunches, get breakfast into the kids, schoolbags organised etc etc. I did the minimum and got him to band with me gripping a cup of peppermint tea to try and quell the nausea. The tea, and the combo of asprin and ibuprofen I’d knocked back were no match for the ruthless torment of twenty-odd eight year old musical novices crashing through notes for the next hour and half. Serves me right I thought grimly.

Day one also began with a phone conversation with a dear friend. She is no stranger to the endless white-water ride that is tackling alcohol dependance/addiction/problems. She is the very best person I can talk to. We chatted therapy, changing habits, moderation, memory loss, fear. And we talked writing. 

So here I am. Writing. Hoping to find and build a community I can share in, find support and support others. Celebrate the small wins, talk about how f*cking hard it is to take the alcohol beast on. 

So I am on day two and taking baby baby steps. But I am past day one.